Meditation

When doctors suggested meditation, I thought it was some new age bs that had no chance of helping. 

I also figured I'd be the least likely candidate to have this stuff have any effect. I got an ADHD diagnosis back in middle school and am old enough to remember what my mind was like before and after smartphones and cable internet. Since maybe '07, my attention span and smoothness of my thinking has been on a downward trajectory. It used to be easier for me to get lost in books, focus more on things with less mental staccato, and not have to check my phone incessantly. Over the years I had built up this fear of sitting alone with my thoughts and filled any dead time commuting or while falling asleep with inputs like podcasts or audiobooks. 

But I had all the time in the world and it wasn't like I could do much besides sit around and meditation got trendy recently so I figured I'd give it a shot. 

After hearing from friends and reading a piece in the New Yorker (not super positive but interesting nonetheless) about Headspace, I decided to give it a try.

The first 10 days were the hardest. After a decade of my brain always on and always racing, it was tremendously difficult to start to change its patterns. But like any other part of the body, the brain is a muscle, and a muscle that will respond to training. By day 8 or 9 it started to make a little more sense. I could start to understand what a calm, clear mind felt like for just a few moments. Also I began to look forward to the sessions as a break and opportunity to mentally reset. 

Once I hit week three the benefits for TBI recovery became more apparent.

• Improvement of concentration and focus
• Greater acceptance and less frustration and anger with my situation
• More ability to combat fight or flight stress response which triggered symptom exacerbation

I would recommend the 'Anxiety' pack in Headspace once you finish the first thirty days. It teaches you noting techniques that give you the ability to recognize thoughts as thoughts and emotions as emotions, ultimately giving you the power to put them in perspective and distance yourself from them. Or if you don't want to try Headspace you can just google around for noting techniques or search tracks on youtube.

Note that if you're really suicidal I would 1. tell your doctor and people around you that you're suicidal, right now, and 2. ask them about how best to engage with meditation. It may not be the optimal time to start sinking into your thoughts.